WTF Is Mercury Retrograde, Actually?

No, your barista didn’t ghost you because Mercury’s in Gatorade—but also… maybe yes?

You’ve heard it a million times:

“Ugh, Mercury must be in retrograde.”
“Blame Mercury!”
“Mercury’s got my texts all messed up!”

But what does it actually mean—and more importantly, what the hell are we supposed to do about it?

Let’s break it down, witch-style. 🧹✨

First Off: What Even Is Mercury Retrograde?

In astrology, Mercury rules:

• Communication

• Technology

• Travel

• Schedules

• Contracts

• Thinking + speaking + texting + tweeting + panicking in the group chat

When Mercury goes retrograde, it appears (from Earth’s perspective) to move backward in the sky.
Astrologically, it means those Mercury-ruled areas? They get messy.

Mercury Retrograde Vibes Include:

• Tech issues (emails sent to the wrong person, Zoom crashes, mysterious "Reply All" drama)

• Miscommunication (fights that start with “that’s not what I meant”)

• Travel delays (late flights, broken GPS, “why did I take this exit?”)

• Exes crawling out of the void

• Overthinking + under-expressing

• Rethinking past choices (and not always gently)

So… What Should You Do?

This is a review + reflect season, not a launch-and-slay moment.

✅ Do:

• Back up your tech

• Triple-check your messages

• Revisit old ideas and refine them

• Reflect on where you’ve been and what’s unfinished

• Rest and recharge when things glitch out

🚫 Don’t:

• Sign major contracts if you can help it

• Start huge new projects without prep

• Text your ex (Mercury’s ghostly fingerprints are all over that)

• Panic—this is cosmic weather, not a curse

Mercury Retrograde Spell Support

Mini Ritual: The Clarity Scroll

• Write down where you’re feeling confused, delayed, or annoyed

• Light a white candle

• Say: “I call in clarity. I protect my mind and my messages.”

• Burn or bury the paper (safely, please)

Mercury Shield Spell

• Carry blue kyanite, fluorite, or hematite

• Anoint your devices with a dab of rosemary oil

• Draw a sigil on the back of your planner or phone case for “Clear Thoughts + Safe Tech”

Final Thoughts

Mercury Retrograde isn’t evil.
It’s just extra. Like your most dramatic friend who also gives excellent advice—once they stop crying into their iced coffee.

So give yourself grace. Slow down.
Back up your files. Don’t overreact when your Uber cancels.

You’re not broken. You’re just syncing with the stars.

Mercury goes direct April 25.
You’ve got this, witch.